I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
