I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
