Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
