I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
