I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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