Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
