The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
