when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
