the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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