did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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