Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
