Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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