Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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