I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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