his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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