it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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