u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
