just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
