He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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