what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
