No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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