It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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