He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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