Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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