So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
