We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She needs sedatives and a leash
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
