if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
