Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
