I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
