its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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