How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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