So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
