end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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