I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
