and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
