my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
