I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
