Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize