this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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