We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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