If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
