Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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