Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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