I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
