On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
