he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
