Duck Duck Cougar?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
