So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
