yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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