I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
