tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
