i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
