Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
