All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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