My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
