Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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