He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
