Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
