I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
