I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
