I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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