all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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