oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
