he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
